This is the impressive experience of a former ICU patient and professional violinist who can remember some things from her hospital stay. She also had to endure the horrible effects after this time, but with carrying these experiences she had to start life all over again.
Music played a big role during her stay at the ICU. She can remember the beautiful 'Intermezzi' by 'Brahms', her favourite music.
This music helped her tremendously in this period, and, in the days after, the playing the violin was of great help too. Till this day this is her music.
'Today is the day I woke up.
Time seems to be of inferior value. I don't know where I am.
I am laying in bed and several people seem to be talking to me.
After a while I realize I'm in a hospital ward. And even much later I realize I'm laying on the ICU.
I hear women talking to me. I recognize these voices very well. I also hear the voice of my brother. He promises me that we would go to the Asterix and Obelix park together. Now it's 2018, we still have to make that trip.
A hospitalization in the ICU causes a big storm in your head. Initially you return to the order of the day. Simply go on where you left. But after a few years of hard work, you realize something's going wrong.
You don't get why you can't understand anything from your daily life. It's incomprehensible. Your cognitive understanding is floating away, litterally.
You don't understand what you're thinking.
And then you're back in your daily work-life. But you can't get to work anymore.
Afterwards you're in some kind of vacuum. And then you don't know a thing.
Everyone is bleating at you, pushing and pulling you. Nothing makes a difference. Then you've got to initiate thinking about what to make of your life.
You can't think of any way how to do it.
But...
After years and a lot of experiences richer, a new road begins.
The road is extremely long.
It takes years.
Making new friends.
Trying to make new contacts.
Not approaching old contacts.
Gathering new people around yourself.
Avoiding people who want to solely benefit from your new ideas.
You actually become a new person.
I want to maintain many of my character traits and give them new life.
That will give me new energy.
Back in the days these traits were incomplete to me. They are not anymore.
Now, I reappreciate these traits. I value them more than before.
Better late than never.'
